MEMBER BLOGS
BUILDING ASSETS IN A FEAR BASED CULTURE (John Shadowens)
There are a lot of barriers we can explore that keep us adults from connecting with kids and building stronger support systems for young people. One of the biggest seems to be fear. Fear sells. Fear keeps you coming back after the commercial break on the evening news to learn the latest threat to you and your family that lurks in your medicine cabinet, food pantry, or storage building. Fear translates universally. We don't let our kids talk to strangers because of fear of abduction or sexual abuse. We no longer let kids trick or treat in the neighborhood, because... (say it with me) "they could get poisoned or have a razor blade in their candy". From syringes in the ball pit at McDonald's to the psycopathwaiting to shoot up our schools we fear for the safety of the little ones we love, we are scared to death to let our kids out of our sight and into a community that might just kill them.
Understandable. But is it warranted? Years of data show that children are much more likely to be abused or abducted by a relative or someone they know well. Despite years of hype and media alarm, there have only been a handful of cases of candy tampering at Halloween and the vast majority of those were not random acts but targeted intimidation or retribution from family squabbles. We print out the sex offender data sheets for our neighborhods and keep our kids from playing anywhere near those houses. What most of us forget is that a very large number of sex offender registry names were NOT convicted for child related offenses. School shootings are incredibly tragic, but also very rare. We're losing perspective on what is and is not a real threat to our children.
So why is this a big deal? Because it has a cost. When we shelter our kids because of our own fears, we are also isolating them from some relationships that could be very helpful and supportive. Mistrust is contagious and can easily evolve into stereotypes and prejudices- the very things most of us parents are trying to avoid! Our kids are becoming more and more isolated with every passing year. The role of extended family, neighbors, and other concerned adults is diminishing. In fact, many adults I speak with today (especially men) avoid volunteering because of fear of an unfounded sexual abuse allegation or a parental lawsuit if there were an accident. One of the programs I oversee is Big Brothers Big Sisters. And, despite the fact that in 13 years we've never had one single lawsuit or founded sexual abuse allegation, people still live in fear that they could be the first. Think about that. Over 1,000 kids have had life changing experiences with mentors in that program over its history and yet fear is rapidly drying up the volunteer base and is robbing our kids of scores of great mentors.
Please understand I am not saying that there are not real dangers in our communities for kids, but I believe the time has come for us to have a rational discussion about what is real danger and what is hype. If we can simply take a step back and resist the fear shoved on us by the media and have a straight forward discussion about the real risks facing our kids, we might find more ways to build supportive relationships. We just might find a way to revisit the good ol' days when kids could trust adults and adults could be free to take an interest in the well-being of other children besides their own. It's worth the discussion.